Porn is super easy to access these days — it’s just a few clicks away. But have you ever thought about the messages it’s sending about sex? Let’s talk about it!

First off, a lot of porn isn’t exactly showing what real sex looks like. It’s filmed with actors on set and often focuses mostly on what men enjoy. This can paint a one-sided picture of what to expect in real life. Sex should be fun for everyone involved, not just one person. If watching porn makes you feel like you have to act a certain way, remember, you should never feel pressured to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.

Also, mainstream porn doesn’t always get the important stuff right — like consent and safe sex. You won’t see much chat about what each person is into or any mention of using protection. And sometimes, it includes themes of humiliation or violence, which aren’t part of a healthy relationship. Just so you know, any sexual act, especially those involving power play, needs to be fully agreed upon and talked through by everyone involved.

So, when you’re watching porn, keep these things in mind. It’s key to know the difference between what you see on screen and real-life relationships.

Consent and Violence in Porn

Consent is when you freely agree to participate in sexual activity with someone else, ranging from kissing to intercourse. It’s a clear “YES!” — whether expressed verbally or physically. Without consent, it’s sexual assault. Unfortunately, consent is often not clearly depicted in porn. This is problematic because many young people learn about sex from porn and may not understand that consent is crucial in a healthy sexual relationship.

Remember, being pressured into saying yes isn’t the same as consenting. It’s important to communicate openly with your partner about what you both want. You always have the right to say no at any time. For tips on discussing your desires and boundaries, read this article on how to talk about sex with your partner. You can also learn more about changing consent laws in Australia by watching this short video featuring Chanel Contos.

Another issue with porn is its frequent portrayal of sex as violent or aggressive, especially towards women. It’s important to recognise that these are actors performing scripted roles, and what might seem acceptable on screen could be unsafe or uncomfortable in real life. If a partner mimics these aggressive behaviours, it’s crucial to make it clear that this is not okay. If such behaviour persists, it might be necessary to reevaluate the health of your relationship. Remember, any form of violence during sex can be considered sexual assault unless it’s explicitly discussed and agreed upon as consensual beforehand. Even with consent, ensuring safety is critical — some practices, like choking, carry inherent risks and can cause severe injuries or even death.

Safe Sex

Another thing often missing in porn is the negotiation of safe sex. It’s important to talk to your partner about using contraception to avoid pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). If you watch porn you might not think this is important, but engaging in risky sex can have some pretty big consequences on your life. Remember the actors in porn negotiate this stuff when they are booking a job, it’s not part of what you see. Check out our posts on Sexually Transmitted Infections and Pregnancy to find out more.

Body Image

Watching porn can also change the way we think about ourselves and our bodies. Most of the women in porn have a very particular look, they are thin with big boobs and usually no body hair. But porn is often heavily filtered, and some of the actors have plastic surgery to change their appearance. Watching porn might make you think that’s what you need to look like to be sexy, or to find a partner, but that’s not true. Everybody’s body is different and everyone finds different things attractive.

Two common hang-ups that porn can make worse, particularly for women, is worrying about body hair or the appearance of their labia (the outer folds of the vagina) as porn often portrays women as hairless and with small labia. You can read more about body hair here. You can also learn about just how diverse labia are by visiting: The Labia Library.

It’s crucial to recognise that porn is a form of entertainment, not education. Real, healthy sexual relationships are based on mutual respect, consent, and communication.