Grooming is when an older person, usually an adult, manipulates and controls a young person in order to prepare them for sexual abuse. This process involves the abuser forming deceptive relationships with the young person and often their parents, caregivers and friends too. Grooming is typically a long, slow process that starts small and only escalates once the abuser has gained the trust and confidence of their victim/survivor and their support systems.

To learn about grooming, keep reading or you can check out this short video featuring Australian activist and advocate Grace Tame. Grace is a survivor of grooming and sexual assault, she now dedicates herself to raising awareness of grooming and helping victims/survivors of child sexual assault.

How grooming happens

Grooming can happen anywhere that there is a power imbalance between an adult and a young person, for example—within families, at schools, at after-school activities, or online. The abuser may appear trustworthy, especially if they are a familiar or trusted figure. Typically, someone who is grooming a young person will try and win favour with their victim through physical, financial, or emotional influence.

Grooming behaviours include

• Gaining trust with attention or gifts, sometimes through the parents or carers.
• Isolating the child.
• Using threats to keep the relationship a secret.
• Manipulating the child into thinking the relationship was their idea.
• Encouraging the creation of sexual imagery.

How to spot the signs that a young person is being groomed

According to the National Office for Child Safety, signs of grooming include the young person:

• Talking a lot about a particular adult or older child or wanting to spend a lot of time with them or meet them alone
• is skipping school or sporting activities
• is spending less time with friends or changing friendship groups suddenly
• spends more time alone in their room
• has unexplained gifts like new toys, clothes, jewellery or electronics and doesn’t want to talk about where the gifts came from
• doesn’t want to talk about what they’ve been doing or lie about it
• stops telling you about their day or asking for your advice

Technology and grooming

Online grooming is particularly risky because of the accessibility and anonymity the internet offers. It involves using social media and other online platforms to form relationships aimed at sexual exploitation. This can happen with both strangers and known adults.

Safe tech habits
Young people who use technology or social media are at greater risk of online grooming. It occurs when an adult uses technology (like social media) to communicate and create a relationship with a child in order to get them to engage in sexual acts (online chatting, sending explicit photos or meeting up in person).

It can also occur between a young person who already knows the adult perpetrator or with a stranger. It’s often easier for someone to trust a person online, and with a large amount of personal information available on the internet, it can be easier for abusers to take advantage of a vulnerable person.

Some tips for ensuring your safety online include

• Use private settings on social media.
• Block or delete messages from strangers.
• Report anyone asking for sexual images or to meet up.
• Discuss any uncomfortable online interactions with a trusted person.

What to do if you think you or someone you know is being groomed

Being aware of these tactics and knowing how to respond can help prevent grooming. Above all, you should trust your gut. If something feels off about a relationship between an older person or adult and a child, don’t just ignore it. If you think your friend is being groomed you can:

• Tell a trusted adult about the situation like a parent, teacher, or school counsellor

You can also seek help by:

• Make a report through the National Office for Child Safety
• Report online grooming or suspected to the Australian Centre to Counter Child Exploitation or through the eSafety Commissioner