Abuse is a pattern of behaviour to gain control or power over another person. An abuser may use violence, cruelty, hate, harm, or force. It is never ok and never the fault of the person being abused. 

People can get out of abusive situations. There are people that can help, and support services available, like Kids Helpline or 1800RESPECT, are available.   

Abuse can happen in family settings — this is known as family violence. It can also take place in romantic relationships or friendships,  in person or online. It can occur in any situation where there is a power imbalance — such as a teacher/student or coach/player. 

What’s the difference between abuse and violence? 

Violence and abuse are often used interchangeably, but they are not the same. Violence can be a form of abuse, but not all violence follows an ongoing pattern of control—such as a random street attack, which, while traumatic, is not necessarily abuse.

However, all abuse is a form of violence. Think of it like this: all thumbs are fingers, but not all fingers are thumbs. Violence is a broad term that includes abusive situations, whereas abuse refers to a specific, often prolonged pattern of harm that tends to escalate over time. Abuse can take many forms and often crosses multiple categories.

Types of abuse 

There are different types of abuse. All follow a similar pattern where someone with power — or someone attempting to gain power over another person — uses specific tactics to belittle or take advantage of another person. 

Physical abuse 

This is when someone uses physical violence, like hitting, beating, shoving, or choking to abuse someone. This can leave marks like bruises. However, not all physical abuse leaves marks on your body. Physical abuse can also be when someone takes control away from your body, such as confining you to a small space, forcing you to take medication you do not need, or purposefully making you sick or unwell. 

Emotional abuse 

This is when someone uses harsh words or cruel language to belittle or mock another person. This can affect the victim’s self-esteem and self-worth. Emotional abuse can also look like excessive control or possessive behaviours – monitoring the victim,  making them feel guilty, or forcing them to face consequences for interacting with other people. It includes using fear to manipulate someone. This abuse might also be based on the victim’s identity, such as their sexual orientation or race. 

Sexual abuse 

This is when someone forces, pressures, or tricks someone into sex acts of any kind. This is also known as sexual assault or violence. It can include touching, grabbing, kissing, or inappropriate staring. This can also happen online with the forced showing or sharing of nudes (read more about this in our article on sexting). 

Grooming 

Grooming is when an adult abuser tricks a young person into trusting, admiring, or depending on them. They then use this false sense of trust or safety to manipulate or trick the victim into sexual abuse. 

Neglect 

Neglectful abuse is when a guardian or parent does not service the needs of a young person in their care. This can mean not attending to their emotional and physical needs. Neglect can look like leaving a child or young person alone for long periods, not providing enough food for them to eat, or not attending to their personal and environmental hygiene needs. 

Signs of abuse 

Abuse may have a dramatic effect on a person. They might start to behave or look differently. Here are some signs that a person in your life may be being abused:

• Unusual weight fluctuation: gaining or losing weight rapidly
• Change in eating patterns: loss of appetite or excessive eating 
• Bruising or injuries 
• STIs 
• Signs of depression or uncharacteristic mood changes 
• Lacking energy and withdrawing from activities 
• Anxiety 
• No longer trusting their judgement 
• Drop in grades or school attendance 
• Changes in self-care: paying less attention to hygiene and appearance 
• Self-harming behaviour or risk-taking behaviours 
• Expressing thoughts of suicide
• Unexplained accumulation of money or gifts 
• Drug or alcohol abuse 
• Seems afraid of their partner, family member, or another authority figure
• Not wanting to go home 

What to do if you are experiencing abuse  

Abuse in all forms is really scary and difficult. It is not your fault and you deserve to live a life free of abuse. 

Reach out 

If you are experiencing abuse it is important to reach out to trusted people around you. This might be a friend, teacher, counsellor, doctor, or family member. Additionally, you should call support services such as Kids Helpline or 1800RESPECT as they offer counselling and safety planning services. You are not alone and there are people in your life who can help you through this. 

If you are in immediate danger, call 000 straight away. 

Make a Safety Plan

A safety plan is designed to help you leave an abusive situation as safely as possible. Your plan will depend on your specific circumstances, but key steps include:

• Contacting support services – Organisations like Kids Helpline and 1800RESPECT can help you create a personalised safety plan.
• Reporting abuse – Report each instance of abuse to the police.
• Keeping a phone accessible – Always have a charged phone with you to call 000 in an emergency.
• Preparing an emergency bag – Pack essentials like important documents, clothing, medication, and cash so you can leave quickly if needed.
• Identifying a safe contact – Have a trusted friend or family member who can provide shelter or support.
  • Consider setting up a safe word to alert them discreetly if you’re in danger.
• Documenting abuse – Keep records of all interactions with the abuser, including:
  • Screenshots of abusive texts, emails, and social media messages.
  • Voicemails or call logs.
  • A diary detailing incidents of abuse.
  • Photos of any physical injuries.
  • Reports to the police.
• Practising online and tech safety – Secure your devices and social media accounts to prevent monitoring or tracking.
• Downloading the Daisy app – This app provides information on local support services.

Here is a more detailed list of a range of available support services depending on your situation. 

Abuse is a traumatic experience, but help is available. Reaching out for support can make a difference. You are not alone.