What is consent?
Consent is when you mutually, and freely, agree to participate in sexual activity.
It means saying an enthusiastic yes to sex (which includes anything from kissing to penetrative intercourse) without any pressure from others. Consent means everyone involved wants to be there, wants to take part, and cares about the safety and experience of others.
You can withdraw your consent at any time, even if you have already said yes, or are already having sex. You have the right to say “no” or “stop” at any point.
What prevents consent?
- Consent is about what people want in the present moment. It doesn’t matter if you are someone’s girlfriend, if you have told them you love them, or have consented to sex in past, everyone still needs to give consent before any sexual activity.
- If a person is drunk, high, or asleep, consent cannot be given. If you are unable to understand what you are consenting to, are physically incapable of giving consent or if you feel pressured into consenting.
- You are unable to give consent where there is an uneven power balance between you and the person you are sexually active with. For instance, if they’re your teacher, sports coach, psychologist or doctor.
- If you or your sexual partner is underage, you cannot give consent.
How do I know if I am legally able to give consent?
Each state in Australia has laws around the age of consent. This is to prevent the sexual exploitation of young people.
In the ACT, NSW, NT, Victoria and WA the age of consent is 16 years. In Tasmania and SA the age of consent is 17 years. In Queensland the age of consent is 16 years for all sexual behaviour (except anal sex, the age of consent is 18 for that).
Note: there are exceptions to these rules that vary from state to state, for example if you are planning to have sex with someone the same age as you.
- Lawstuff has a great state by state run down of consent laws — just click on the state you live in to get started.
Consent is all about honest communication
Communicating with your sexual partner before, during and after sex is not only important for making sure that consent is ongoing, it can also make the experience more pleasurable for everyone involved.
This might look like openly communicating with your partner about what you do, and do not want to do, and sharing how you’re feeling. For example, you could ask: ‘What feels good for you?’ Or you could tell them: ‘If I was to touch you here, how would you feel about that?’ You’ll find some more helpful tips on how to talk about sex here.
What happens if someone doesn’t give consent?
Sex without consent is rape, sexual abuse or sexual assault. It’s a serious crime, so it’s important to understand how to ask for consent, give consent and to withdraw consent.
If this happens to you, remember that it’s never your fault. Read our post on Sexual Assault for more info. If you or someone you know has been raped or sexually assaulted, call 1800 RESPECT for help.
Check out these Instagram accounts for more info:
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What is affirmative consent?
Lots of changes have been made to consent laws in recent years through the amazing advocacy work of young people like Chanel Contos and Grace Tame!
The new laws are based on a model of affirmative consent.
Affirmative consent means that: consent is only legally given where the person giving consent has said yes either physically or verbally to sex.
That means that your partner cannot assume that you have consented if they have not taken any steps to make sure that you actually want to have sex. It means that the responsibility is on your partner to take steps to make sure that you are consenting. This might involve asking you whether you want to engage in any kind of sexual activity or not.
Consent is an ongoing, continuous conversation, which means that you can withdraw your consent at any time.
Sex should be a fun and pleasurable experience for everyone involved! Knowing how everyone is feeling, and how far they want to go, creates a safe space for everyone to feel comfy and relaxed while you learn about what feels good.
Where to get help
If you or someone you know is struggling with a non-consensual sexual experience, talk with a professional about it.
- Talk to a parent, teacher or school counsellor
- Speak to a counsellor on the phone or online at eHeadspace
- For medical support and advice, see your doctor or head to your local Sexual Health Clinic. Follow the links below to find one near you.
Sexual Health Clinics across Australia:
New South Wales
Northern Territory
Queensland
South Australia
Tasmania
Victoria
Western Australia
