The following information has been sourced from 1800 RESPECT. If you feel unsafe or concerned about a sexual experience, contact 1800 RESPECT for advice and support.

Everyone has a right to say yes and say no to sex. Your body, your rules. 

Being forced, tricked or pressured to take part in sexual activities is sexual violence. 

It doesn’t matter whether you just met or have been in a relationship for a long time — no one has a right to force you to do sexual things you are not interested in. 

What does sexual violence look like?

Sexual violence means forcing sex against your wishes. Sexual violence can also be known as ‘rape’, ‘sexual assault’, or ‘sexual abuse’. 

These terms can have a general meaning and a legal meaning. In this post, we’re focusing on the general meaning. 

Who does sexual violence involve?

Sexual violence can occur with strangers or people you know well, such as:

• boyfriends, girlfriends, partners, husbands or wives
• ex-boyfriends, ex-girlfriends, ex-partners, ex-husbands or ex-wives
• carers or paid support workers
• parents, guardians or other family members
• casual sex partners
• friends
• other people you live with or see often, whether inside or outside the home
• people you work with
• someone you know but aren’t close to, like a neighbour, boss, or friend of a friend.

Forcing, pressuring or tricking someone into sex is not okay.

Are there different types of sexual violence?

Yes. Sexual violence can include people:

• looking at or touching your private parts or genitals (the parts of your body covered by your underwear, including your breasts, bottom, vagina and penis)
• putting their genitals, fingers or anything else inside you when you don’t want them to
• touching any part of your body in a sexual way when you don’t want them to
• showing you their genitals or ‘flashing’
• watching you when you are naked or doing sexual things
• taking off a condom before or during sex without your permission – this is known as stealthing 
• posting sexual pictures of you on the internet when you don’t want them to
• making you watch or be in pornography (videos or photos of sex or sexual things)
• stopping you from making your own choices about whether or not to have a baby 
• ‘grooming’ of a child, when a person who wants to sexually hurt a child gets the child to trust them
• any sexual act with a child, is against the law and must be reported
• doing sexual things to you when you are affected by drugs or alcohol, and are confused about what is happening or what you are consenting to.

Sexual violence can also include people sexually harassing you, making you scared or uncomfortable you by using sexual behaviour that you don’t want. It can include:

• staring at you in ways that make you uncomfortable
• saying sexual things or telling rude jokes
• showing you pictures of naked people, or people doing sexual things
• emailing, texting or sending you sexual messages or pictures
• bothering you on social media with sexual messages, posts or pictures
• following you and saying or doing sexual things
• touching you in ways you don’t want to be touched.

What is sexual coercion?

Sexual coercion is when someone pressures or tricks you into doing sexual things when you don’t want to.

Their behaviour may not always be illegal, but is usually abusive in some way. Sexual coercion can include someone:

• Saying they’ll leave you or have sex with someone else if you don’t have sex with them
• Trying to get you to drink more than you want to so you’ll agree to sex
• Making you feel guilty for not having sex when they want
• Telling you it’s your duty to have sex with them
• Saying that you owe them
• Making you feel scared to refuse because of what they might do, including them
• Using physical violence
• Saying bad things about you to others,
• Sharing private images or damaging information about you on the internet, or
• Taking away support, money, children or pets

Saying they will:

• Get you out of debt if you have sex with them
• Provide you with drugs if you have sex with them
• Let you stay at their house if you have sex with them

Or help you with a problem if you have sex with them

• Or holding you down, yelling at you or trying to scare you into having sex.

Sexual coercion can be used by all sorts of people, including people you are in a relationship with. It can be part of a pattern of behaviour we call coercive control.

• Wondering if you’re in an unhealthy relationship? Read more about red flags here. 

Check out this video for a first-person account of the long-term impacts of sexual violence. A warning that this video contains descriptions of sexual assault and violence, which may be upsetting for some viewers:

Where to get help

• Reporting sexual violence to the police: If you have experienced sexual violence you may find it hard to decide whether or not to report it to the police. You may want the person who did this to you to be caught and stopped from doing it again. You might be worried about getting upset when you report sexual violence. The most important thing is that you make the best decision for you.
• If you do decide to make a report to the police, there is support to reduce your distress. Talking to a trusted friend or family member or a sexual assault service may help you make your decision.
• You can find a sexual assault service who can talk with you about your experience by searching 1800 RESPECT’s Service Directory.
• If you decide not to report to the police you can still provide anonymous information to help. The information you provide will be passed on to police all over Australia with any information that identifies you removed. This will help the police to make communities safer.