Choking during sex is a practice that some people engage in to supposedly enhance erotic pleasure. However, it is a dangerous practice that can have severe consequences. 

Is choking safe? 

Short answer, no. Choking (also known as strangulation) during sex is a form of lethal or non-lethal strangulation. Despite its reputation as harmless, kinky, or even sexy, choking is extremely dangerous in any context. There is no safe way to do it. 

The practice has been recently glamorised in society by porn and social media. This means it has become more popular for young people. But don’t be mistaken, there is nothing harmless about this practice. It can turn dangerous very fast and with no warning. 

Isn’t that kink shaming?

Education around the dangers of choking and warning people not to partake in this practice is sometimes categorised as kink-shaming (which means, trying to make someone feel bad for what they enjoy in sex). However, choking is not a safe practice, meaning that attempting to deter someone from the practice is trying to keep them out of harm’s way, not trying to shame them. 

What if it’s consensual? 

There is a myth that as long as you have consent, safe words, and agreed-upon signals to stop, choking is fine. But this is simply not true. 

In an ABC interview with a doctor who specialises in the treatment of acquired brain injuries, it was reported that patients were unable to signal to their partner when they were in danger — meaning they were at high risk of becoming unconscious within seconds, and dead within minutes. 

Strangulation vs. Choking — What’s the Difference?

Strangulation is when someone squeezes your neck from the outside, while choking is when something blocks your airway from the inside (like when you accidentally swallow something and it gets stuck). Strangulation is seriously dangerous and can turn deadly in just a few minutes.

Here’s why it’s so risky:

• The average man can apply about 36 kilograms of pressure, and the average woman can apply about 18 kg. But to make someone pass out, it only takes 1.8 kg on the neck for less than 10 seconds.
• If someone keeps squeezing for 20 seconds, it can cause brain damage.
• And if the pressure continues, death can happen in as little as 1 to 6 minutes.
• This can all happen really quickly. Even if someone thinks it’s “just mucking around,” strangulation is never safe. It’s a serious risk to your life and health.

It requires less pressure to fatally strangle someone than it does to open an aluminium can. Irreversible damage can happen quickly and without the perpetrator or victim even knowing. 

Because of its unpredictability and severe consequences – there is no safe way to be strangled. 

What are the consequences of strangulation? 

When a person is choked or strangled, their brain is deprived of oxygen and blood. This can have many adverse effects on the brain. This can include a lifelong brain injury, stroke, or death. These effects can happen immediately or emerge within days or weeks after the incident. 

Delayed consequences of strangulation can be: 

• Neck pain or tenderness
• Headaches 
• Difficulty breathing 
• Difficulty swallowing 
• Ringing in the ears 
• Loss of consciousness – blacking out 
• Loss of control of the bladder or bowel – someone peeing or pooing themselves
• Husky voice or unable to speak 
• Memory loss 
• Confusion 
• Stroke 
  • Blood vessels in the neck can tear or clot when pressure is applied, and a stroke is when these clots enter the brain. Strangulation can cause a stroke up to two weeks after an incident. 

People also sustain injuries to their face, neck, and body these include:

• Bruising on the neck 
• Bruises behind the ear 
• Scratches to the neck or chin 
• Small red spots on the face 
• Bloodshot eyes 
• Bleeding into the eyes 
• Swollen face, mouth, and/or neck 

This can mean that after strangulation a person can appear completely fine but later can develop life-altering and life-threatening symptoms. Learn more about it from the Western Australian government’s strangulation fact page. 

It is important that if you have experienced strangulation that you see a medical professional, even if you think no harm has occurred. 

Sexual strangulation and domestic violence 

Strangulation in sex can be linked to forms of exerting power and control. This is common in sexual practices of domination and is also highly linked to coercive control present in domestic violence situations. 

Stagnation is a “highly lethal form of gendered violence”, most commonly perpetrated by men against women, according to the Queensland Centre For Domestic and Family Violence Research. Between 56 and 68% of domestic violence victim-survivors have experienced strangulation. 

Strangulation — either during sex or outside of it — can be seen as a warning sign of escalating domestic violence and control. 

Remember: 

Consenting to sex is not consenting to strangulation. If someone tries to strangle you without your consent, this is illegal and not ok. Communication is a vital part of a healthy relationship and if you feel pressured to partake in a sex act you don’t want to, this is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. 

Getting help and more information 

Sexual strangulation is scary and it is important to spread the word. Talk to your friends about the dangers of this practice to make sure the people in your life understand the risks. 

Breathless is an awareness campaign targeted at young people to educate them about the dangers of sexual strangulation. You can get involved and learn more at their website. 

If you or someone you know is in a dangerous relationship or need of help – there is always someone to turn to. 

• Call 1800RESPECT or 1800 737 732, or Text 0458 737 732 to get to the national domestic family and sexual violence counselling service. It is available 24 hours a day, 7 Days a week 
• Kid’s helpline is another free service that you can access support 24/7! Just call 1800 55 1800. 
• If you are in danger and need help, you can always call 000.