What are pronouns and why are they important?
Let’s talk grammar — pronouns are words used to refer to the people in a conversation (e.g., I, you) or to someone being talked about (e.g. she, they, he). Using pronouns indicates a person’s gender, so it’s super important to ask what their pronouns are and use them correctly. Doing this shows that you respect them and affirms their gender identity!
Pronouns are useful as it can be clunky to refer to someone by their name all the time in conversation. For example, let’s look at the sentence “Kate needed to go to the market, so Kate asked Kate’s mum if Kate could go now and not later”. Now if we use Kate’s preferred pronouns of she/her instead, we have the sentence “Kate needed to go to the market, so she asked her mum if she could go now and not later”. Using pronouns can allow conversation to flow better and feel more ‘natural’.
Never assume
It’s important to remember that someone’s gender expression (how a person presents gender outwardly, such as through clothing and behaviour) does NOT always equal someone’s gender identity (a person’s internal sense of their own gender). You can’t always tell someone’s gender just by looking at them, which is why it’s so important to ask for someone’s preferred pronouns. Don’t be shy — most people appreciate it if you ask them about their pronouns!
Gender isn’t about genitals
Unfortunately this is quite a common mistake people make.
It’s an easy assumption to make that certain body parts means someone is a particular gender. For example, there is the common assumption that having a penis means that you are automatically a man that uses he/him pronouns, but this is wrong! Gender has nothing to do with genitals. It’s about what gender someone feels like they are inside and what they identify as.
It’s important to respect people’s pronouns and gender identity. Don’t question it — if someone tells you what their pronouns are, then that’s what their pronouns are. It’s actually really simple!
Gendered pronouns
She/her and he/him are gendered pronouns, where she is typically used by female-identifying people and he is typically used by male–identifying people. In some cases, gendered pronouns may be used by people who don’t identify as male or female.
Gender neutral pronouns
They/them is a common set of gender neutral pronouns. Gender neutral pronouns are typically used by gender diverse and non-binary identifying people, as they don’t imply that someone is ‘male’ or ‘female’. Not sure how using they/them pronouns works? Check out this simple guide:
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Some people use neo-pronouns as an alternative to they/them. Examples of neo-pronouns include xe/xer/xyr and ze/hir/hirs. Neo-pronouns are just as valid as the traditional pronouns we commonly use and it’s important to respect them too.
Multiple pronouns
Some people use multiple pronouns. For instance, Martha uses they/she pronouns and Omar uses he/they/she pronouns. This often means that the first pronoun is preferred but the other can also be used, however it’s best to check with the person individually as everyone is different! For example, Pearl might want they to be used 80% of the time and she to be used 20% of the time. Once you know how someone would like their multiple pronouns to be used, you can put it into practice.
Why are pronouns important?
Using someone’s preferred pronouns is super important, as not doing so means you are misgendering them. Misgendering is when you accidentally or intentionally use the incorrect pronouns about or towards a person. If you slip up and use the wrong pronouns by accident that’s okay — it’s about putting in the effort to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Doing it intentionally, however, is incredibly disrespectful. It can make that person feel uncomfortable and negative about themselves.
Pronouns are an important first step in being trans and gender affirming. Changing your pronouns or telling people about your pronouns isn’t always easy, so it’s really awesome when people do! This is why it’s so important to accept another person’s pronouns if they’ve changed them, and to respect this by putting it into practice.
Deciding what your pronouns are
You don’t always have to keep the assigned pronouns you were given at birth — the great thing about pronouns is that they belong to you and it’s your choice if you want to use new pronouns. If you don’t feel like your current pronouns best describe who you are, then you can always change them!
You don’t need permission to start trying out new pronouns — that’s a decision that only you can make, and you should be able to feel comfortable to try any and all out. If you test out a new pronoun and you later decide that that pronoun isn’t right for you, then that’s okay! You can do whatever you feel is right because your pronouns are just that, they are yours.
Check out this video from Minus 18 for more info on pronouns and why they matter:
