Self-harm or self-injury is a term used to describe the act of deliberately hurting oneself without anyone else knowing. Self-harm is often used as a way of coping with difficult or distressing situations and feelings. Individuals who self-harm are often suffering from depression, anxiety, have experienced trauma, or other underlying mental issues. Some people may self-harm only once, while others may do it repeatedly.

The most common form of self-harm in young people is cutting, but other types include punching or hitting oneself, picking the skin or sores, burning oneself or depriving oneself of something they need. People who self-harm are not trying to kill themselves — they are rather using it as a way to cope with intense difficulties and distress. Any relief that might come from self-harm is only temporary, while the circumstances which make a person self-harm remain. With the right help, people can learn different ways to cope with difficulties without self-harming. 

Why do people self-harm?

According to Beyond Blue young people self-harm as a way to cope with feelings of intense pain, to counter feeling numb and to deal with distress or unbearable negative thoughts, memories or feelings. It is often used in an attempt to replace emotional pain with physical pain. Intense feelings of loneliness can also trigger people to self-harm, here it is said to make them feel more connected and real. Self-harm is also used as a way of self-punishment when a person feels guilt or shame.

Self-harming is used as a way of asking for help. People who engage in self-harming behaviours are not attention-seeking but attention-needing. It can be looked at as a form of communication. This means that if you know that someone in your life is self-harming, it is important to reach out and let trust adults in your life know. 

As we have already touched on above, most young people use self-harm as a coping strategy, not as a way to commit suicide. BUT, if self-harm continues and becomes habit, they may be unable to stop which can lead to thoughts of feeling trapped, hopeless and suicidal. Individuals who self-harm are more likely to feel suicidal and attempt suicide than those who don’t.

Do you self-harm?

Firstly you should remember that self-harm is not a long term solution. While it may give you temporary relief it isn’t helping you to sort out the issues that are making you do it in the first place. It is important to remember that you are not alone. A lot of people have turned to this type of coping mechanism, and many people have made a full recovery.

In order to start feeling better you need to make a decision that you no longer want to self-harm and that you want a more permanent solution to how you feel. This can be very hard and you might have some set-backs, but you can do it.

The next step is to create little goals that you can work towards, such as deciding who or how you are going to seek support. Support can be anything from talking to a friend or parent to seeking help from a professional or calling a helpline. Even though they may seem small, achieving these goals deserve celebration – so go on, take yourself out for a hot chocolate.

Some alternatives to self-harm

Here are some suggestions from Beyond Blue that you can try to replace your self-harm with something actions less harmful;

• Try holding an ice cube in your hands, or eating small amount of hot chilli; both these actions cause discomfort but are less harmful to your health
• Try wearing a rubber band on your wrist and snap it when you need to
• Use a red pen to draw on areas you might normally cut
• Go and do some exercise, run as fast as you can for as long as you can or try a class at a local gym to redirect your energy
• You can also try scribbling with a red pen on paper
• Try deep breathing or meditation exercises. You can find guided meditation exercises like Smiling Mind.
• Try and focus on something around you, something simple like a bug or a bird and see if it can distract you from you negative thoughts
• Talk with someone
• If you find it hard to remember these options, write them down or put them in your phone for the times you need them

It’s important to remember that finding new ways to cope with negative emotions can take time, sometimes the strategies listed above will work and sometimes they may not. It’s all part of the journey of discovering what works for you. In the meantime get support from places and people you feel comfortable with and take part in activities you enjoy or find rewarding to increase your well-being.

Where can I find some help and support?

Deciding that you want to seek help to stop self-harming is a huge step, as is the actual seeking of the support. Seeking support can be daunting as you might be worried about a person’s reaction when you tell them. Some people may be shocked or have difficulty understanding, but this does not mean they will not support you — they may just need a little time to learn more and talk with you about how they can help. Also remember that you don’t need to tell them everything at once.

Hear the stories of people who have healed from self-harm:

If you don’t feel comfortable speaking with a friend or family member you can always seek support from a doctor – like your GP, a counsellor or psychologist who can help you work through the issues and develop a plan to manage your difficult thoughts and feelings.

Another way to seek support is over the phone or online. You can call beyondblue and talk to someone immediately on 1300 22 4636, or start an online chat. If it is an emergency don’t hesitate to call 000.

How can I help a friend who is self-harming?

If you think or are concerned that your friend is self-harming, talk to them. While it can be hard to bring it up at first, letting your friend know that you have noticed, that you are worried and that you want to help can be a huge support. If they do want to talk, listen without judgement, let them know that you are there for them and encourage them to seek help. If you need some help, have a look at our post on supporting a friend with mental health issues.

Helping a friend through this kind of situation can be emotionally draining so it’s important to look after your own well-being too. Here are some tips to take care of yourself from Beyond Blue. Some examples include: 

• Educate yourself about self-harm to prepare for your conversation – this article is a great start! 
• Explain why your concerned: 
  • “You don’t seem like yourself at the moment” 
  • “I’ve noticed some changes, what has been going on?”
• Be prepared for uncomfortable silences 
• Listen and don’t judge: What you hear may be confronting, buts it’s important to make your friend feel supported by you at this tough time. 

You can find out more about how to support a friend who is self-harming in this video. 

And finally, while it may seem pretty basic, we can’t stress enough the importance of eating well, being kind to yourself, and exercising. While these actions won’t solve all our problems they will help us to gain a higher sense of self-worth, more stable moods and an increased level of wellbeing which together will make us feel happier both on the inside and out!

Where to get help 

• Help from school: Every school has staff who help students deal with issues like depression all the time. Sometimes they’re called Wellbeing Officer, Student Welfare Officer, Pastoral Care Teacher or the Student Counsellor. If you’re not sure who this teacher might be at your school, chat to the staff in the main office or ask a teacher you like and trust. They’ll be able to point you in the right direction.

• Talk to your doctor: Doctors also help people with issues like depression and anxiety all the time. If you do not have a trusted adult to turn to, check out this post about going to the doctor on your own.
• Get in touch with professionals: Youth Beyond Blue, headspace and Reach Out have trained counsellors available to talk you through your situation and help you work out strategies to deal with it. Kid’s Helpline (1800 55 1800) is actually pretty awesome too – you can talk to a counsellor for free, at any time and it’s completely private. Lifeline is there 24 hours a day, 7 days a week – they are free and completely confidential.
• Be kind to yourself: talking to someone about how you feel, like a doctor or a counsellor, is very important. But things like exercise, mindfulness meditation, and changing your self-talk are also vital steps to helping you feel like yourself again.