“You should become a doctor or a lawyer”

“You have to get a good ATAR and go to university” 

“No relationships until you’ve finished school” 

Any of these sound familiar? If your family’s expectations around work, study, relationships, or life in general don’t align with yours, remember that this is quite common. Sometimes our goals and ways of living can come into conflict with what our families expect of us, which can lead to tricky situations and conversations. 

Occasional arguments are a normal part of family life, but if you’re in constant disagreement with your family about the directions you want to explore in life, it might be a good time to sit down together and have a chat. Remember that while family is important, you shouldn’t be feeling frustrated, confused, or stressed from the expectations your parents or carers are placing on you. After all, it’s your life, and you need to follow the paths that make you feel happy and fulfilled! 

Managing family expectations for multicultural youth 

For many multicultural youth, navigating family expectations can be particularly difficult. The values and perspectives of your parents or carers might differ due to their specific life experiences and sense of cultural identity. If your family was born and raised overseas, they would’ve grown up in very different environments, and are likely to have experienced many challenges adjusting to life in a new country. They may even have experienced things like war, violence, fear of persecution, and the ongoing effects of trauma. It’s important to take all these things into account. 

So if your parents or carers have high expectations of you like getting good grades all the time or following a stable, high-income career path (such as being a doctor or lawyer), remember that this is most likely coming from a place of care.

Many migrants come to Australia in search of things like a stable job, safety and security, and a good income, so they probably just want the best for you, and for you to take up these opportunities in the way they see is best. 

In saying that, understanding and empathising with your family’s perspectives doesn’t mean you have to compromise your own goals. While you can respect where they are coming from, it’s important to remember that your values and ideas of success are just as valuable as theirs. While it may take some time, once you explain your reasoning they are likely to consider your perspective too! 

Advice for anyone managing family expectations

It’s not easy navigating conflicting views within your family… but remember that once you start the conversation, they are likely to be understanding and empathetic. If you carefully explain what you want out of your future and why, parents and carers often come around and will support your decisions. 

So try and not to freak out about it too much! It’s definitely worth coming together and having that chat. 

headspace has some great tips on navigating this type of conversation with your family: 

1. choose a time and a place where you can sit and talk without interruptions.
2. you could ask an elder sibling, family member, community member, friend, teacher or someone else you trust to help you plan or facilitate this discussion.
3. listen to what they have to say and be honest about your thoughts and feelings.
4. consider their perspective and acknowledge that their view is just as valid as yours.
5. focus on shared values or interests and consider doing some activities together.
6. be prepared to compromise and negotiate options that you are both willing to accept.
7. take care of yourself and reach out for support if you feel like you need it. You could try some tips for a healthy headspace or connect with a friend, family, community member, or someone else you trust.

If things don’t turn out like you had hoped, remember that support is available. You can call 1800 RESPECT or Kids Helpline for confidential counselling and advice. If things get violent or you are ever in immediate danger, you should call the police on 000. Family violence is never okay, and support is available if you are experiencing violence at home.