Watching a friend get targeted by a bully can be really distressing. Luckily, there are ways to support them without making the situation worse.

What is bullying?

Bullying is when someone intentionally hurts another person, or group of people, by using words or actions that embarrass, intimidate or threaten them. Bullying is a repeated behaviour — it’s not just a one-off incident of meanness.

Why do people bully?

Often people bully others because they actually don’t feel that good about themselves. They might have low self-esteem, they might have been bullied themselves, or they might have some serious stuff going on at home. They might bully to make themselves feel more powerful and in control.

What can I do to help?

A bystander is someone who sees or knows about bullying. As a bystander, you might feel uncomfortable and unsure about what to do. You might be scared to speak up or just feel confused. But by doing nothing, you’re actually supporting the bullying behaviour.

Instead of staying silent, you can be an “upstander” by standing up for your friend or the person being bullied. Here are some things you can do if you witness bullying:

Here are some things you can do if you witness bullying:

Show the bully you disapprove

• Frown or shake your head.
• Stand up to the bully, e.g., “We don’t do that here.”
• Interrupt the bullying by talking to the person being bullied, e.g., “Hey Nina, I was looking for you!”

Give your friend an excuse to leave

• “The teacher is asking for you.”
• “Hey, can you come help me with something?”

Support your friend

• Ask them if they are okay and how you can help. It’s best to do this in private after leaving the situation.
• Message or talk to them after the event to check in on how they are feeling.
• Sometimes, just standing with the person being targeted shows the bully and the victim that they are not alone.

Tell someone in charge

• Talk to your teacher, school counselor, principal, or boss about what’s going on.

Report online harassment

• Use the report buttons on apps like Instagram and TikTok to report abuse.

Where to get help

• If you aren’t sure what to do, you can also call Kids Helpline to help you figure it out and best support the person being bullied.
• Talk to someone you trust about it, like a parent, friend or teacher, as they might be able to give you some good advice.
• You might feel sad or upset about what you have seen, so make sure you take some time out to relax. Talking about it might make you feel heaps better too.