Being a friend to someone who is experiencing an eating disorder can play an important role in someone’s recovery journey. But it can also be a complicated one. You might be there to provide a listening ear, be a support, distract them, or urge them to seek further help. Treatment is extremely important in recovery, however, more often than not, it’s just one aspect of the journey.

If you’re helping a friend who’s going through an eating disorder, it’s important to remember to practise some self-care and look after yourself. Eating disorders can be heavy to hear about and supporting someone going through a difficult time can be challenging. This self-care might look like having some distance from the friend or speaking to another friend or family member about how you feel. Remember, it takes a village to support someone, so make sure you are leaning on others at this time. 

It’s important to remember that their eating disorder is not someone’s fault, and it’s not your job to fix it. Being supportive and encouraging your friend to seek professional help is all you can do. 

Some tips when you’re supporting someone: 

• Be non-judgemental: Let your friend know that they are not to blame, and recognise how distressing it can be.
• Show you care: Ask gentle questions, be compassionate, and let them know you care. Have a look here for some helpful phrases you can use to start a conversation or let them know you’re here for them. Examples include: 
  • “I will be there for you with whatever you need” 
  • “I’m really proud of you this must be really hard” – reassure them that they are taking an important step by talking to you.  
• Be informed: If you can, educate yourself on eating disorders. Find out about anorexia, Bulimia or Binge-Eating Disorder. 
• Show a willingness to change: Ask your friend if there is anything you can do to help. This might be changing how you talk about weight or food, or taking the focus of these things.
• Stay positive: Help remind them of all the good things in their lives that recovery will help with, such as their family, friends, school, and hobbies. 
• Stay on topic: When talking to your friend try to be aware of not discussing their body or their relationship to food when expressing concern or affirmation. 
  • Instead of: “I am worried because you look so different”, or “You look so much better now.” 
  • Try: “You don’t seem to smile as much”, or “You seem to have lost your personality or sparkle” 
• Be together: Keep doing things you enjoy together. See a movie, play a board game or book a pottery class. Socialisation centred around things other than food can be a welcome distraction.
  • Be aware that your friend might not be able to be as active as they once were. Depending on the severity of their condition, it might have impacted their ability to do all the same activities or have impacted their energy levels. Try and ask them what they would feel comfortable with or enjoy – maybe watching their favourite movie at home or gaming together would be achievable activities.

Learn more about how to support your friend in this video. 

These videos on how to support a friend with an eating disorder or specifically anorexia from the online psychological education platform Psych Hub might also be useful. 

Remember, if you think that you or someone you know might be suffering from an eating disorder, it’s important to seek help straight away.

Where to get help 

These conversations may be intense, triggering, or harmful to yourself so make sure you are reaching out to those around you for support. 

• A GP will be able to help and refer your friend to a specialist who helps people overcome conditions like this all the time. 
  • If you don’t feel comfortable speaking with a trusted adult, check out our post on ‘Going to the Doctor on Your Own’ for more info on making an appointment and finding a doctor that suits you
• Visit the National Eating Disorder Collaboration website for more information on help in your local area.
• Beyond Blue is another free, confidential counselling service, with trained professionals available to talk through your situation.
• The Butterfly Club has wonderful resources and a national helpline: 1800 33 4673. You can also chat online or email.
• Kid’s helpline and Lifeline are also wonderful resources if you need help.