Grief is the process you go through when you lose someone you know, whether they pass away or your relationship breaks down. Everyone reacts to loss in their own way, and there is no right way to grieve. If you have lost someone you might be feeling a lot of different emotions. 

What is shock?

It is common to feel shock when something drastic happens unexpectedly. You might go into shock when you are first told that someone has passed away, especially if it was unexpected. Shock might make you feel numb, empty, sick or dizzy and can last for a few days or a few weeks. 

Everyone reacts differently to the loss of a loved one, you might feel some things or react in a way that seems strange. A strange reaction, like uncontrollable laughter, is just another way you are dealing with shock and you shouldn’t feel guilty about the way you react. You might not feel anything at first, but you will eventually start to feel emotions again. 

Check out Reachout’s common reactions to death for more information on the way people react to shock and grief. This article by headspace also has some great explanations and recommendations for dealing with grief.

 

How does grief affect you?

Once the initial shock has worn off you will move into the grieving process, you will gradually be able to move forward with your life, but it may take a long time. The grieving process is different for everyone, and it could have some pretty big impacts on your life. People experiencing grief often:

• Feel sad or lonely
• Feel angry or guilty
• Feel despair or disbelief
• Feel confused
• Feel physically sick- nausea, headaches and feeling tired
• Have trouble remembering things
• Have trouble concentrating
• Have trouble sleeping or have dreams or nightmares
• Lose their appetite

You might not feel like being social or doing much when you are grieving but You will gradually feel better and want to do more. It can be really hard but try to look after yourself. 

Give yourself the time to grieve and develop some strategies to help you cope. Talk to someone you trust about how you feel. If you don’t know who to talk to you can try your school counsellor or call Kids Helpline to speak to one of their counsellors. (You can even have an online chat if you think talking on the phone will be too hard.)

To learn how grief affects your brain, watch this video.

Here are some things that might help you through the grieving process: 

• Give yourself the time and space to grieve, find a quiet place where you can be alone. 
• Cry if you feel like crying, it’s important to let your emotions out. 
• Write a diary or try painting or drawing, these can be really great ways to express what you’re feeling. 
• Exercise can help you process how you are feeling 
• Try and find ways to relax, watch a movie, go for a walk or read a book.
• Remember them: if you’re feeling up to it you can reflect on the positive impact they had on you by 
  • Writing a letter 
  • Create an artwork
  • Write a song
  • Curate a playlist that reminds you of them 

This is also a time when you can lean on your loved ones. Even if you don’t feel like talking about how you are feeling, having your close friends or family around to take care of you or just be around you can let you know that even though you are feeling lonely or isolated, you are not alone.

You can also learn about processing grief in this video.

Check out Reachout’s guide to working through grief and Kids Helpline’s guide to dealing with loneliness for more strategies to help you cope.

To learn about the Indigenous way of understanding grief and healing, watch this video. 

Where can I get help? 

It’s ok to be not ok. If you are struggling, it’s important to ask for help. Tell someone you are not coping and need help, like a parent, teacher or school counsellor. 

• If you’re unsure who to ask for help call Kids Helpline and speak to one of their counsellors. They will help you get through the grieving process and think of some strategies to help you cope.
• You can call 13 YARN for First Nations Peoples on 139276
• There is also ReachOut for young people under the age of 25 
• Grief Line Australia has services specifically for people grieving 
• many more are listed here.